For a long time I have resisted writing a Nithyananda blog and any writing in general.
Writing is a part of me that I wrestle with. Maybe it's because I'm always writing in my head and frankly, the inner chatter is annoying. I want the silence and bliss that I can only experience when the mental noise is stilled. And keeping up an incessant inner 'report' for the world has brought me anything but peace.
I became aware of all this writing 'noise' a few years ago. The more I analyzed my mind, the more I saw an undercurrent of 'writing' and 'teaching' going on inside, as if I had a virtual audience inside my head, patiently waiting for my next post or class. Anytime I read a really inspiring book, this inner voice immediately fantasized about the class I could create or I started writing snippets of articles to share with the world. Some people are always thinking about blending spices and foods, creating the next delicious meal. I'm always thinking about the next inspiring post but I never write it.
Finally I decided that enough was enough! I didn't seem to be able to sit down to actually write so I would not write 'virtually' ~ not even on my own inner 'screen', so to speak. My plan was that no matter what thought came up related to 'teaching and sharing' with others, I'd do my best to unclutch from it. As far as I was concerned there was no place for writing or teaching in my mental chatter. Let it just dissolve.
Unfortunately, I couldn't walk away from this so easily. Nearly every time I sat down for Nithya Dhyaan meditation, ideas for articles about my beloved Guru would rise to the surface. By the time I got up from the sessions, the thoughts had disappeared and I was drawn into my daily routine, never to write. But I began to wonder if this is my path. Could this be my prarabdha that must be exhausted? Is this how Swamiji is using the mission and seva to transform me? Should I be writing? I was at a loss and nothing was shifting.
Having all these creative ideas and not expressing them left me with a lingering sadness, as if something precious had been lost, something important hadn't been shared, some path to transformation hadn't been taken. Eventually, to solve this dilemna I did the only thing that I knew I could trust: I turned to Swamiji! I sat at His photo in our meditation room and just poured it all out to Him.
'You know what's going on here, don't You? I'm struggling with this and I don't know what to do anymore. Do you want me to write? Would it be useful in some way? I'm afraid that if I do, I'll somehow lose my way spiritually, even though that might not make sense.
I don't want anything to get in the way of my transformation and it feels like all these 'writing' thoughts are doing just that. I don't trust myself with this so I'm giving it to You, Swamiji. If You want me to write, then You have to let me know, clearly, directly, in some definite way, please. I need to know that it's coming from You and that it really is okay for me to do this; that it won't be a distraction from merging with You. Please, Swamiji, please let me know one way or another and I'll do whatever You say.'
I left the room relieved, knowing that somehow, some way His answer would come.
And it did...
A few months later, I found myself in Bidadi, Nithyananda's ashram and my blissful, sacred spiritual home. I came for a ten day course during the Living Enlightenment Process. As we settled and blended in with the LEP group, one of the ashramites gave us a talk about seva and how Swamiji had designed it as one very important aspect of the process. Each of us would get to join an existing group and Swamiji had requested that we each start a blog and write about our experiences during our time there.
Bingo! It hit me then and there in the meditation hall. My answer!
I just burst out laughing at my amazing, compassionate, unbelievable Guru. My heart overflowed in awe and gratitude. He brought me all this way to answer my prayer in such an undeniable, clear way. My mind couldn't play tricks with this answer and try to wiggle out of it. He declared in no uncertain terms that writing about my experiences with Him is one part of my sadhana and it cannot be avoided any more.
Swamiji let me know that not only could I write, but I must write and by making the answer so obvious to me, He gave me His assurance that everything would be fine. I don't have to be afraid that I will lose my way. He will guide me and take care of me as He has for jenmas (lifetimes). Swamiji can see things from my lives that I can't see. He knows where I am blocked and He knows I need to do this to overcome whatever resistance and fear is there for it dissolve. He does this for each of us.
This is the power of our living Avatar, Paramahamsa Nithyananda. He is with us everywhere all the time, ready for us to connect with Him, unburden ourselves, transform, serve, celebrate and live in bliss.
He is my mother who wipes my tears and consoles me. He is my father who gives me courage, inspiration, and redirection when I stray from my path. He shows me the way and is utterly determined to have me live and radiate enlightenment.
We are not beggars hoping to become billionaires. We are the billionaires who have just forgotten where we have kept our wealth.
Nithyananda is bold enough to constantly declare that we are enlightened and have merely forgotten, that's all! He walks with us day in and day out as we pass through our lives, guiding us in such subtle and profound ways. He has the clarity and focus about His mission and NOTHING can sway Him from that, not even scandal and prison. As I've heard Him say, 'You may imprison me but I will work to liberate you!'
There is no experience or relationship in my life that can even glimpse what I experience with my Guru. It eclipses everything. It is so hard to put the unspeakable into words. And how hard it is, impossible probably, to convey this to someone who has never experienced Him. All that I can say is this...
Don't miss Him. Don't miss this chance to experience the Master and your own enlightenment.
It is possible. He is here for all of us!
Teachings of Paramahamsa Nithyananda on Youtube
Talks on Inner Awakening
Official Website of Paramahamsa Nithyananda
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